theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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