I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
