I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
