he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
