i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
vagina is talking i cant
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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