Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
