u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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