If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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