I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
