You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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