i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Oh god it's open bar.
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