I'm jealous of your bromance
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
