I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
