So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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