Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
