So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
