We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
