u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
