he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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