Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The maid of honor just puked.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
