It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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