she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
