Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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