I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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