i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
