I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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