Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
