3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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