either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
