And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
if only i could text you this smell
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
