im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
