i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
