you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
