I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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