How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
