I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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