Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What drink are we having for lunch?
We have started to decorate penises.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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