just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
