My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
