The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
