you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Be still, my beating vagina.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
