i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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