She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
