When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
