Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
