So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
