So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
