Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
