The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
