Do vagina's smell?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
