Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
