I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize