i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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