Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize