i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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