I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
