I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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