we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
