what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
