I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
