East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You ate ashes out of my bong
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize