i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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