Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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