My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
