you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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