one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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