i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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