dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize