how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
